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Evil Empire Bulletin
(The news from hell):

Wake up America! The dream is over.

Written on: July 27, 1994

Very well. Before I get arrested by FBI I would like to share with you a few more thoughts...

When I came here some 10 years ago, my English was poor. It was school English. (Too polite and too sterile, one can say). I was yet to learn juicy phrases one needs every day in order to communicate to the local aborigines - to the "fellow" Americans.

At one occasion, my American wife left for a three day conference... We are a "modern" couple (plus, we did not have children then). So, I let her go alone. When she came back she asked me: "What did you do all this time?" I was ready for that question: "You can bet your ass - I was watching TV all the time. And I have learned some nice new phrases: - I'll waste you - I'll ditch you - I'll blow your brains out - to name just a few."

She was quite happy how quickly I am getting Americanized.

Oh, yeah! American dream. This is a wonderful - dreaming country. Just look how dreaming solves all American problems:

- Soviets invade Afghanistan. America can do nothing about it. True, America immediately gives away the most modern weapons to Afghani mujahedeen. Taliban, media tells us are Afghani "founding fathers". As long as they fight "Evil Soviet Empire" they are our friends. They are "freedom fighters". Actually, they are the worst Muslim fundamentalists you can find but who cares? Someone has to uproot free education and free medical care the Soviets want to impose on poor Afghani people. Soviets are invaders when Afghani government, constantly attacked by Taliban, asks Soviet Union for help. (Well, today there is talk about "Blow Back." Our friends betrayed us. This as if no-one ever knew who Taliban was. Today, America is ready to pay, double the price, to get back some of the stingers it gave away. The weapons is now - oh so clearly - in the wrong hands).

Anyhow, for a long time, America is helpless and powerless in Afghani case... Hey, but you can still dream! Hollywood sent Rambo, in one of its movies (number III ?) to Afghanistan. Rambo killed more Russians in that movie than all fundamentalists combined - in reality.

- America can do nothing about increasing influx of drugs. "Supply and demand" formula in this case works better than in any other. Reagan's wife Nancy found a perfectly simple solution: "Just say - no". But it - for some mysterious reason - was not working. (I guess, it was too naive a weapon against machine guns the drug army of America possesses).

But America can still dream. Hollywood (again) found a perfect solution. In James Bond movie "Licence to kill", Mr. J.B. went to a banana republic and killed everybody - including the president, who (naturally) was the main drug dealer, you see. (The action to catch Noriega happened a few months after the movie was released. But alas! Panama is dealing drugs like never before).

I'll let you expand on the above examples. I bet you will easily come with plenty more. Or simply keep your mind open and the examples will simply fall in your lap.

Just last night, for example, I went to see Swartzenegger's movie "True lies". There Swartzie (they say he is a son of an SS officer) dealt quite well with those "low Arab lives". It was in vain that the main Arab terrorist was shouting: "You kill our women and children and then you call us terrorists!? Now we will revenge." (He was to detonate nuclear bomb in the middle of Washington, DC. The Arabs bought the bomb from their Muslim brothers in (ex-Soviet) Khazakstan). No-one in the audience heard the words of the terrorist. (Or could any find sympathy for the Arab children). Deafening was the thunder of Swartzie's super fighter jet. He killed them all. (I suspect that the whole movie was actually just a commercial for the airplane! This beauty can be launched from a parking lot and can hang motionless in mid-air. If you were to tie a spoon to its nose - it could scoop soup from your plate. And, most importantly, it can be piloted by an idiot with lots of mussel).

You see, this is how Hollywood solved the nightmare of the recent [1993] World Trade Center bombing. No fear, Arnie is with us.

That is it - just sit and dream!

Some smart American whom I once caught in a train went further. To my usual sting "You say you are a free society, but you all live in a home prison. While whole Europe gets out to streets and cafes at night - you don't dare. You sit at home and watch TV" - he added "But you have to. You are forced to sit and watch - commercials! How would you know what to buy tomorrow? And what do you think is the whole point of American news always presenting local murders? They tell you: This is what happens if you do not stay at home and watch commercials".

I knew it. I just phrased it differently. At one occasion (as so many times before) I tried to explain to an American that American media lies (ALL THE TIME) about the war in Yugoslavia. "But why? Why would the media lie against you?" insisted the American. "Because of vaginal moisturizer!" I answered. "Don't you see that the media is always after an "interesting" story? They want to draw your attention. Just as you are sucked into the scene of blood and gore in Bosnia, for example, when your eyes are wide open, the story is interrupted by a vaginal moisturizer commercial. It happened to me during dinner - quite a few times. In a middle of dinner - a moisturizer!"

(America is a battleground of commercial wars. The way it happens is that, for example, a wrist watch company wants to boost sale of its watches. They pay a commercial showing how a tank goes over their watch not making a scratch. And there it is. The competing wrist watch company immediately feels threatened. It is a declaration of war! Now every customer would like to have that other company's watch. Of course they would. When you have that super watch and in a case tank squashes you - you at list have the watch... So all remaining wrist watch companies are compelled to make a commercial of a submarine hitting a diver with their even better watch...

It just happened that during the civil war in Yugoslavia, there was also a war of vaginal moisturizers. As I felt obliged to follow the current lies about the civil war - I got to learn, by heart, the names of moisturizer brands. I guess it is an important knowledge - this moisturizing.

I learned my key English phrases long ago and I stopped watching TV. For 7 years now we do not have cable TV. That way we saved lots of money and we saved our brains from being used as a garbage dump.

By ceasing to watch the TV I stopped being Americanized. Horrible. I got out of the American melting pot... Just recently, I heard on radio, I think it was NPR (Read: Nazi PR), a complaint how modern technology: satellite TV, fax machines, computer networks almost stopped American melting pot from cooking. In good, old times of travel by ships (i.e. times of no alternative information) newcomers could do nothing but melt in. Now they dare not to forget their native languages and their cultural heritage. Awfull. America was only boasting that it is a multi-cultural society. Now it is really becoming one.

I met no other nationals who needed their back be patted that much. Americans are in increasingly desperate need for American dream phrases to be repeated: America, the last piece of democracy on the Planet Earth! That must be because somewhere, deep inside, they can not believe the lie any more.

When I refuse to give them their sleeping pill and tell them who they really are (the nation which committed the largest genocide and ethnic cleansing, a bully, the nation which bombed more other nations than any three other nations combined, the only nation to use A-bomb - clearly a weapon against civilians, etc., etc.) instead of saying thanks they repeat another phrase: "So, why are you staying here when you do not like it?"

"I stay here because I am an alien." I answer "Didn't you see the movies "Alien," "Aliens," etc? That's me - the inter-galactic monster. I have a status of RESIDENT ALIEN here, you see. Just like in the movie. I live inside your rib-cage and, one day, I will burst out free". To the silence of the produced shock I would add: "But seriously, I am here to earn money. I would like then to bring it and enjoy it in my own country. America owes that country some 40 billion dollars, you see."

I have watched American TV enough to know my basic rights. I would remember them when FBI knocks at my door.

- I have right to be SILENT.
- I have right to watch TV (even in jail) - but in SILENCE.
- I have a right to an attorney. If I cannot afford one like O.J. Simpson's, they can provide me with one (an idiot who would not be able to defend himself/herself).

Yes, I got so knowledgeable about American legal system, just by watching American TV. (Someone calculated that a 10 year old American child saw an average of 10,000 murders on the screen, by that age). You get to see the same number of arrests, as on TV, quite unlike in the real life, all the murders get solved (all in 60 minutes of the allotted time). Quite a few times a night you hear how a cup reads the rights (to be silent) to the accused. If the reading is omitted the murderer can get out on technicality...

Then, in pre-trial, you can plea bargain. If you admit that you are guilty (does not matter that you know - you are or not) you get a sentence which is a good, good bargain(!?)... I can go on and on. You can only imagine how the nation gets educated now, watching O.J's destiny... But, I know more. I was interested in more than just murders. I watched Congressional hearings.

As FBI knocks on my door I'll just invoke my fifth (the amendment). (Look how current Congressional candidate Olie North did it). Then I'll (try to) keep silent.

But no fear my dear. It is more than obvious that in my (no matter how rude way) I am working for the best interest of this country. And that is that American soldiers should not put their young lives on the line for Islam fundamentalists, for Nazi resurrectionists or for some fat politicians who have Moslem oil stocks. I firmly believe this. America can only be grateful for my work.

There is a wrap (a music popular mostly among African-Americans) that says so much in its title: "Too legit to quit".

I am only wondering one thing: Just before I slam the door in front of the FBI noses (as they forgot to came with the warrant, the first time), do I also have right to say something? At least a two word phrase? I would like to use this juicy phrase: buzz off! (There is also, another similar one).

Petar Makara (Makarov)

PS: In old Communist countries there was a saying: I know that I have freedom of speech. But would I have freedom after the speech?..

Petar Makara (Makarov):

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Last revised: March 07, 1997